We all have secrets. Be it secrets we strictly want to keep confidential or secrets that we want to let out but are afraid to do so. I’m going to focus on the latter. Your secret may be telling someone you love her for the first time, or telling someone that you lied to them, or telling your child that they’re adopted; any of the hard conversations we have throughout our lives. Whatever your secret is, the experience of revealing that secret is universal. And it’s terrifying. We all feel it. But we have to do it.
Revealing a secret is always going to be difficult, and in such situations, difficult is not relative. We need to stop ranking our difficulty against everyone else’s to make us feel better or worse, and just commiserate that we all have difficulties. At some point in our lives, we all hid behind our secrets. It may have felt safe, or at least safer than what lies on the other side, but hiding behind our secrets is no way to live. It wears us out, and if we don’t let go of the urge to speak our truth it will kill us.
Peeling back the layers of armour and speaking our truth will always make us feel vulnerable. That’s why they’re hard conversations. They don’t get easier over time either. Revealing our truth is a lot like ripping off a bandaid; it has to be direct and done quickly.
I guess what it really comes down to is the fear of disappointing or upsetting the people we tell our secrets to; the fear of being real by revealing our truth. If we’re going to be real, we have to be ready for them to be real in return; face whatever emotion comes our way. But anything is better than hiding behind our secrets.
– F. Ifram